DREAMS

Today I got a circle journal in the mail. The topic is DREAMS. I am near to the end of those contributing to this journal so I have a lot of precessors ideas to draw on. Most of the pages are about childhood dreams of marriage, mother hood, the white picket fence and traveling. I too have had those dreams and seen them realized. I still love to travel but have forgotten how to DREAM. I need a new vision, a new idea, something to be excited about. I just don't quite know how to go about it. I don't want to dream about being a grandmother because A.) My kids aren't ready to be parents and B.) That is something that I cannot control. What are my dreams? How do I dream and consequently shape my future?

My wish is to be healthy, to be happy, to manage my depression so that I am not suffering so! I've stopped dreaming about being thin. Do women my age actually loose weight? What are the odds?

I've learned the only person you can change is yourself. I'd be happy with that! I want a dream a vision a plan for my remaining life. A plan that will allow me to be productive and happy in this next season. I don't think it's money but having and using the money you have wisely. I think it's happiness..........I want happiness.

Ten Days Later

Today, if he were still living, would be my parents 57th wedding anniversary. Mom was a little sad, but she will be ok...Oh, how selfish of me, today also marks the death of DH's father in 1999. A lot of water under the bridge. In many ways I am glad to say that the two Dad's don't know the "trouble I've seen". Guess they had their own troubles, I'm sure. More news to come re: my new found football compromise with DH. I am so getting a wireless laptop. For now, the battery is dead! I hate it when that happens1

Labor Day Weekend

Well I'm off in about an hour to go with mother over to the coast for the weekend. DH will join us tonight and DD will drive over tomorrow! I'm looking forward to it and can't decide to take my scrapping' stuff or not!

The worst thing we have to do is to go by the monument place and double check the grave stone for my parents graves for correctness before it is installed. It's bad enough that I have to remember that my daddy is gone but I'm going to really have to suck it up as my mother's name will be on the marker even though, she is still living since it's a dual headstone. I dread it!

Now that TS Ernesto is gone, from here anyway, I feel so much better. I hate the highs and lows I have in my life. Dealing with depression is just totally awful. I'm a fighter not a quitter so I will keep on trying until I get it right!

Hope the atmosphere at the condo is pleasant and who knows when I'll come back home! All that good civilization and shopping over there in Daytona! I'll be in hog heaven!

So THAT's Why It's Called a DEPRESSION

I live in Sebring, we are in the center of the state and in the center of the now Tropical Depression Ernesto. The "weather" seems to be focused more toward the east coast and as the afternoon wears on there's always a fear of tornado's. We are accustomed to afternoon thunderstorms with lots of rain and lightening.

IMHO the government is now taking every precaution to protect the public at large and in the process scaring people, like me, to pieces!

I am thankful that God protects us, as his storms always demonstrate his sovereign hand! I must confess my Faith did not exhibit itself very well these past few days as I dreaded the storm. This is an example to me to let God handle the other "storms" in my life and trust Him with His protective hand.

Thanks to all of you who have been checking in on us and praying for those still waiting for their turn for Ernesto to pass.

Ernesto

Finally, it has dawned on me why I am so depressed today! I fight depression in general but this Monday morning just absolutely sucked for me! No matter what I did it just didn't seem to help. So, I picked myself up by the flip flops and made myself get out of the house.

There's nowhere good to go around here. The mall stinks and even if it was a good one I shouldn't be out spending money.

I did need to go to Wally World and get some essentials like deodorant and laundry soap. Well, every stinking' person in three counties was there buying water and peanut butter. I finally decided to get what I needed as fast as possible and get the heck out of Dodge!

We have soooooooo many elderly people in this town. They are just oblivious to anything going on around them. Stand in the aisle and "farmer chat". Just irks me, they should do that on the shuffleboard court! Oh, it's too freakin' hot outside to be outside unless you're in a pool.

Anyway, it's that damn Ernesto, I am so sick and tired of hurricane's and tropical storms I could puke! It's all my scrap crap that freaks me out. Who cares about the rest! Every year it seems all the books go into plastic containers and then back out on the shelves. I just can't face it. So, I'm going to take my chances for now! If it stresses me out that bad then something wrong!

It must be all the TV hype, we never had all that growing up. No long drawn out moment to moment detail on what could/might happen. We just got the batteries ready and stored up canned food. Heck, we didn't even have bottled water. We just filled up the bathtubs with extra water. Of course, it probably didn't hurt that I was a child and knew my parents would take care of me.

The kids are grown, it's DH and one grown son. I'll get some canned food another day. The propane tanks are full and it's DH's job to get gasoline for the generator! Yes, we have a generator. My dad bought it for my mother before he died. I've got a flashlight and extra batteries and a pool full of water. What else could I ask for?

So, goodbye worries over Ernesto! Wow, I feel so much better now! Thanks everyone!

What Are They Thinkin' ???

My absolute favorite message board has had a huge mistake in management, IMO! The administrator decided to have anything that was more than 15 days old and not responded to deleted! That means all of our hard work with instructions and our introductions and all of our discussions are gone! Just deleted! What is she thinkin'? Does this mean I am going to have to learn to run my own message board? We're all so upset that we don't quite know what hit us! The emails are flying between those of us who are such good friends IRL! I sure hope this gets straightened out SOON! What a goof! She totally went blonde on us!

BOM

BOM = Book of Mine

Jana was asking about my BOM. I started working on this at the beginning of the summer. It's a scrapbooker's way of telling about themselves. It can include anything you want. Most people who have a BOM include thoughts, feelings, and ideas in addition to pictures. I hope to keep adding to mine for as long as I live.

I started out by following challenges set up by Alicia at www.scrappersgalore.com there are also challenges with ideas on other scrapbooker's web sites like Willow Traders. It gives you a "jumping off" spot.

Right now I am going to be journaling some real sensitive stuff but it will be hidden in a little book. I'll see if I can post it later.

When I was on vacation last month in Utah I picked up a book at a LSS called
The Me Book. This book features the artists of Autumn Leaves. The name that I recognize the most is Elise Flannigan. The back cover of The Me Book says

it's all about me....What is the me book all about? It's about getting to the good stuff, the nitty-gritty, the things that make us happy, sad, fulfilled, passionate and goofy. It's all about documenting the roles we play and the life experiences that make us who we are. These pages are about using your old photos in new ways, retelling old stories with a unique twist and learning a lot about yourself in the process

I guess the last statement really says it all for me. Eventhough I hope that someone does care enough to keep my BOM when I'm gone, for now it's about getting in touch with myself.

In the 70's people used to talk about "Going to FIND themselves". I thought that was dumb but now at the crossroads of loss of a parent, empty next syndrome,choosing to retire from nursing and then facing marital infidelity, I'm off to "find myself"!

He's On His Way Home

Well, I thought this was a totally ME day and it is but my mindset has got to change! DH just called and will be home in two hours. I've got flylady boogie todo! Thinking about my private journaling for my BOM.

Over My Head!

I could spend literally all day every day online but I don't do it.
#1 It's not healthy.
#2 It would get me in a heap of trouble.
#3 I might turn into some techno geek, but I doubt it, but then again there are those html classes I've been wanting to take.

I really used to spend much more time on the computer, even planned to start digital scrapbooking. Well, the digital scrapbooking is fun but it doesn't take the place of all the hands on with the textures etc. I have become a font freak and have over 700 fonts on my computer. I wanted to go back to community college and get some kind of degree in computers or at least take some classes. Right now I feel as if I know most of the alphabet but am missing a few vowels, KWIM? I'd like to get a concept in my brain from A-Z. Until I decide to go to school I'll hack away and try to learn as I go!

OK, I've decided, today is a scrappin' day. DH is gone to Tampa and who knows when he will be home. Dark-thirty. It's a comfort to have my pitbull "Rocky" here at my side in case anyone tries to come and keep me company!

So, What if it doesn't work? Can I delete it?

I DID IT!

Everybody go check out your links, I made them work. Woo Hoo for me!

Eggs

Some of us over at Scrap Jammies and at Willow Traders adopt these egg things each month and get some kind of a critter. Some morph, some do not. It's just strange!

This is my eighth day in a row that I am feeling happy, it's a mind set, I am convinced. Things around my home are running more smoothly and I am able to accomplish more and more each day. I just do what I can and forget it until the next day. It's easier when I don't put so much pressure on myself.

I'm so excited to be having a whole gang of girlfriends coming to visit me in October! We are going to scrap our hearts out! They are all flying in from all over the country to be together. I think that's so wonderful to be making such great new friends all ofer the place.

I most dislike bookeeping tasks. I am elected to put everything into Quicken and pay bills for our household. It's part of staying home and not having an outside job. At least there's no boss to tell me I can't take a break! I got so far behind when we went on vacation for two weeks. Now I am going to have two months to reconcile this week. I'm still not done inputting all the transactions. Oh this does suck, I can't seem to ever get into it!

DH and I are really getting along well. We are happier than we have been for a long time. I want to do my part to make this work. I think he feels the same way.

Made in Nebraska

I'm a Ford Mustang!

You're an American classic -- fast, strong, and bold. You're not snobby or pretentious, but you have what it takes to give anyone a run for their money.

"Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Caught DH off guard and he took the test!

I Was Made In Germany

I'm a Porsche 911!

You have a classic style, but you're up-to-date with the latest technology. You're ambitious, competitive, and you love to win. Performance, precision, and prestige - you're one of the elite,and you know it.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Can't Spend All Day!

Does anyone know how I can get Alicia and Bev's Links to get that underline thingy so that it will link to their blogs? As far as I can see I have done them just like the two that are successful below that ie: Dana!

Dang

"A" can't get the dang dashboard to cooperate! Won't give up! Keep in touch!

TMI

OK, so maybe the last post was a little too much TMI but we're all adults here. I know many friends who are suffering from infidelity, two wrongs don't make a right and I have my own conscious to live with so as for me, no extramarital sexual experiences.

Try as You Might

For me, I always expected to reach a point when my life would be stable, but, "NOOOOOOOOOOOh" it changes and expectations change, things change. I "freakin" change! I built my DH "high, way high on a pedistle and find he is nohing but human". I wish he would find full sexual fullfillment in me, but "NO" I have to live the "hell" of infidelity~ nevermind the fact that I have temptations of my own! Sorry MOM XO

Home Sweet Home

Ah, how sweet my own bed felt the morning of August 2 at 2:30 AM as I finally laid my head on my own "feather" pillow with the 100% cotton 200 thread count sheets and pillow cases.

The trip home took us 19 hours as we left Scottsbluff at 7AM MT, few to ATL, circled and circled then bumped and bumped until there were several "pukers" in the crowd, thankgoodness it wasn't me! Storms in ATL caused us to arrive late and we almost had to run to the next plane which of course was on another concourse and at the end! We did get to Orlando on time but then stopped to eat and had an hour and a half drive home.

Good thing DH is the "boss" as we slept in until 10:30 AM and I drove him to work where he had a brand new truck waiting for him (company truck).

The dogs were so happy to see us that they "peed" the floor but I had my handy dandy swiffer wet jet ready to mop the tile.

I've spent a ton of time trying to catch up on everything online and need to hit the cleaning lady mode and kick some dust bunnies!

Thank God the TS Cris is fizzing out, I just can't handle a hurricane right now!

All added up other than air miles we drove about 1500 miles while out West!

Slow roll to DIA

Bloggin on my way home from WY. We will spend the weekend here at in law's home and then fly home on Tuesday. We'll have to take a four hour ride from WY to Denver early that morning and then fly out about 3ish for home. If we're lucky we'll be in our own bed before Wednesday.

Once I am home I can post some pictures of Yellowstone and tell you more about our trip. Anyone want to help me scrap some of it?

I've got to look for a job real soon! I need to sell some stuff on ebay, and I need to have a garage sale but I've never had one and hate the thought of some pure strangers looking through my stuff.

Advice?