For the G Kids

I’ve been meaning to sit down and write to you but I guess it’s harder than I expected it to be.

To say I am so sorry that your sweet daddy died seems so inadequate yet necessary. I am so sorry that you three are going through this terrible experience. I’m sorry for your mother and for all of your children. I know how much it hurts.

First of all, always remember that your dad wouldn’t want you to stop living because he had to. I’m sure he didn’t want to! I know my dad didn’t want to stop living, he just finally had to stop because he couldn’t take the cancer anymore.

Allow yourself time to grieve, when you’re alone let the tears wash away the hurt as the medical types will tell you crying produces some kind of cool body relaxing chemical, right? To me crying has not always come easily, it just isn’t who I am but when the tears come, they have become welcome cathartic tears.

Lean on each other. Cry in your mother’s lap. Your mother knows you best and knows that you are hurting. Your mother needs to know that you still need her. She needs to know what a valuable position she has in your family.

Don’t expect to get back to “normal”. Just take each day as it comes and you will learn to live with this empty spot named “daddy”. Depend on our heavenly Father to fill it. Life will not ever be the same so plan to learn to live your next phase in life. It will get easier and you will feel rhythm to your life once again.

Be careful not to neglect your spouses. Even though they are your best support system and love you dearly, they need you to be you! Remember to keep them as your number one person in your life.

The sting and hurt from the loss of a father leaves you forever changed. Like each big life experience it can’t help but change you in some way. You are changing all the time. This event has just been a more monumental one, a very painful one.

Continue to remember you father. For me it’s writing and making scrapbooks. I’m just about ready to take out the cards from December 2004 and look over them again. It’s ok to put things up until you are ready.

Did you shut your eyes during the picture presentations at your father’s funeral? They were beautiful. I need to tell B and G so. Their tribute to your father was a strong token of expression of their enduring friendship with you. Be thankful for those long time friends. I shut my eyes during my father’s picture presentation. Maybe now I’ll have the strength to look at it.

Things will never be the same again. Don’t expect them to ever be. Things will be better again as you heal ever so slowly from this blow of death. Make your life function in a new way. There are a lot of people who need you and want to be with you. Focus on what you have instead of what you do not have. Focus on what your father gave you and not what the cancer took from you. Love the traits in your father that you see in yourself. Be happy to be the one who shares that trait with others in your family. Let your father’s memory live through you.

Always have clothes clean and ready for a funeral. This is something that I did for many years. Then when my daddy died, I stopped! When your daddy died I needed my “funeral clothes”. Death is not a new concept but it’s new to us as we enter era of our parents aging.

What a tribute each of our father’s had at the church we all love. What a great thing to know what wonderful friends our parents have! Keep coming to D's Picnic in May. We need to see each other once a year if that’s all. It’s a little way of keeping our parents circle alive as the members go to sleep in the Lord.

I don’t claim to be an expert on the process of grief. I only offer you these words as a token of friendship and recent experience. Call me to cry, chat, ask, remember. My heart truly goes out to each of you!

Techno Granny Wannabe

Wow! I can't believe all the neat stuff that people have on their blogs! Music, tons of pictures, blinkies, all the stuff that a granny techno wannabe should learn. Maybe if I tackle one thing a week I can learn how to do this! That way maybe, my brain will remain sharp! I've signed up for classes only to have to give them up due to DH's schedule. Actually, I've dreamed of the day I could be a SAHW and do as I please! Now after spending the past year in pure self indulgence I find that it's not rewarding and need to look for some constructive uses of my time.

I'm feeling the rhythm of life coming back to me. I need to put myself on a schedule as all my working career my schedule was dictated and boy did they work us hard in the operating room! I miss the friendships and the patient interaction but not the grunt work, it's really a physical job! Now that I've quit, they are getting computers in every OR in the country, even small town USA! I was ahead of my time with the computer on the consumer end but now I feel I'm feeling left to byte dust.

Someone tell me where to start!

Momentum

For the past three hours I have been working on establishing a mailing list for a new CJ over at SJ's. I really like to do this sort of thing until I remember how time consuming it is. Sitting in my SJ Jammies looking out at the Atlantic Ocean, why am I inside? I got too much sun yesterday and DH went home.

I'm in the room with DM. It's a comforting place to be. We enjoy the company of one another even if we sit in silence. Mother is so lonely since Daddy went "to Sleep in the Lord" December 8, 2004. We talk about how we miss him and allow ourselves a few tears. Overall we're both doing well. Some days it's me who mother's mama and some days it's mama who mother's me.

Mother is teaching me how to be old. Yes, can you imagine? There are things that neither of us can do physically now, especially since I hurt my back. Mother says I just don't know how to sit and relax. I'm trying but I'd rather be creating something. I miss my scrap room and I'll be glad to get back to scrappin' in a few days. I hope my box of stuff has arrived from Chicago as I need it to get my CJ's out on time!

DH took a whole lot of close ups of me this weekend so now I can choose a new picture for my Circle Journals and for my Avatar. I think I've pulled it off again, looking decent that is!

We're going to Wyoming for three weeks this summer! Three long weeks in the middle of nowhere. We will do some traveling and visiting. I will be taking my "projects" along or else I will go buggers. Now to plan how to streamline the "stuff" take, I always take too much stuff and it makes it hard on everyone especially me having to keep up with all of the stuff!

I've got an obligatory event in June for my friend's daughter's wedding. It's not that I don't want to go but I don't know the crowd and it's a long drive both ways. DM will go with me and allow DH to stay home as it's not really his friend's child. She is an only child so this wedding should be an "all blow out!" It will have good music I am sure as the whole family is very talented!

So, the summer of momentum is upon me. I know it's not until June 21 but it sure feels like it here! The Circle Journal will be getting off the ground. I so hope this one goes without too much trouble. All it takes is for one person to fall behind and it bunches things up. Why and what is a Circle Journal? Ahh, that's for another day.

I need to write about how it feels to be old and not become a crotchetie old nurse suffering from every illness she can think of. Nurses make the worst patients. I don't want to be like that, but I am sure that I already am!

Enough rambling for now. Cas, I'm going to bleach the sand dollars for you and the kids!

Home Sweet Home

It's so good to be home! It has been a long time since I cried because I was homesick but this time I did! The trip to Chicago was exhausting! It was worth every challenge from tripping head first into the concrete sidewalk, to getting "hailed on" while walking to dinner and throwing my back out the night before I flew home!

If anyone watches my blog I just wanted to check in and say they haven't gotten me yet!

I'm off to find Molly and see how she's doing at the "big house"!

Scrap Room Clean UP

Scrap Crap organization:
From my list yesterday I still have the remaining items.
Finish DMIL's Squish book for mail tomorrow.
Make two altered clipboards,
one to show at Jammie Crop
One for my DM
Get items packed into my travel bag for Scrap book crop.
Plan clothes for five days and get them set aside.
Get my RAK together and mail to one of the local girls.(It's going to be heavy since I'm getting rid of my cardstock and switching to textured bazzill etc.)
If I can get this tied up my room will look neat and tidy and I can have this off my mind so that I can enjoy Mother's Day and the weekend. I'm still finishing up loose ends for SJ's and the Chi trip.

I can't wait to see my friends IRL as I don't have many around me since we moved. I'll be working on that when I get home. I've made contact with some gals in the county that scrap and then there's the LSS as well but I end up spending money when I go there!

Tuesday's To Do List

My writing juices are dried up! I have had some pretty good ideas for LO's running through my brain. I haven't done much around here today as it's a down day for me. Guess I'm turning into a afternoon/night girl which totally does not jive with my DH who is forced to be an ALL DAY MAN.

DS found me an empty, new, quart size paint can that I have to go and get to make an altered project for Scrap Jammies. I worked at least 8 hours yesterday typing forms and brain storming! I sure do hope that we're on the down swing of the prep stuff and that I can finish my list:

Get a shower, get dressed, make the bed!
Clean the kitchen totally and put the spaghetti sauce in the crock pot to simmer.
Go to Lowe's and get the can.
Finish typing documents for SJ's
Finish DMIL's Squish book for mail tomorrow.
Make two altered clipboards, one to show at Jammie Crop
One for my DM
Get items packed into my travel bag for Scrap book crop.
Plan clothes for five days and get them set aside.
Get my RAK together and mail to one of the local girls.
(It's going to be heavy since I'm getting rid of my cardstock and switching to textured bazzill etc.)
Well let's see if I finish it all, NOT, finish some, add more, finish nothing!
This time next week I'll be boarding the plane!

NSD/Nurses Day

National Scrapbook Day and Nurses Day

Wow, all rolled into one! I really could care less about it being nurses day except to wish and give honor to the nurses working so hard. We have to stick together because that "free coffee mug" that General Hospital gives us just doesn't fit my hand right anyway!

There are online crops galore around cyber world. I am hanging out at Scrappers Galore since they're the most fun. Scrap Jammies Crop in two weeks is their celebration or NSD. I stayed up late last night chatting with "A" and we had a blast. Both of our DH's were gone. Her's went fishing and mine was at the bar playing pool.

I've got work to do to get ready for Jammie Crop! I need to entertain DH to keep the fire stoked. I need to straighten up my scrap crap so that I can work on some pages. I'm making a squish book for MIL for Mother's Day which is yikes, a week from tomorrow!

Molly Brown

Man, I can't believe I added Molly's link successfully, maybe there's hope for me yet! I've been on this computer now for over and hour and a half! Haven't even finished checking my favorite MB's! Maybe there's hope for this wannabe!

Beginnings!

Well, I'm happy to see that Molly found me! It's not as if I didn't just shove the addy in her face, Hee Hee!

Today my daughter is going to shadow her instructor at big city hospital where she is in nursing school. DD is so excited and I hope and pray she retains her enthusiasm for a lifetime. She doesn't like the part of being to work at 7A for the day shift but the instructor had her come in at 8A. I suppose that was so that the instructor could get report and get a grip before having a really green student hanging onto her all day. The school is between semesters right now and this instructor is doing this out of the goodness of her heart as this is her second job. I guess all nurses don't eat their young! Hurray for times change even if it's slowly.

I'm going to Chicago in another week or so to meet up with some girlfriends, play and scrap. I can't wait!

Now that I'm on this blog thing I'm going to have to learn the html stuff and a lot of other techno stuff. There just aren't enough hours in the day! If my blog remains novice, so be it, it's readable!

I have to make myself clean the house today. For a SAHW I just hate housework. I do like the satisfaction from the result, it's the getting started that just about kills me. At least when you're in the OR and get your assignment you have no choice but to move it huney! Watch out or Dr. So and So will be rollin' that patient into the OR before you can even check the chart. What happened to the good old days when the circulator was in charge of the room? Now it seems like a free for all!

Oh man, I feel self motivation kickin' in just thinking of the thought of having to go back to work! More later........

Can I Blog?

Seems like I signed up for this quite a while ago but Unsinkable MB my favorite blogger right now has inspired me to get moving with this. I spend so much time on message boards this is probably more appropriate!

I'm sure I can keep up with it but the question is will I?

I hope Molly finds me and I hope that I can encourage her!